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7 Hardest Things About Being a New Mom That Everyone Is Afraid to Talk About

Having your first baby is a beautiful experience, but it can also be physically and emotionally draining. No matter how many parenting books you read, nothing can really prepare you for the first weeks and months of taking care of your first baby while trying to keep the other pieces of your life going. From strengthening your pelvic floor through exercise to navigating your relationship with your partner, here are seven things that you need to be prepared for when you become a new mom:

  1. You’re barely sleeping.

This is probably on every list of parenting advice ever, but it bears repeating: you’re going to barely sleep in those first few months. If you’re lucky, your baby will sleep for an hour or two at a stretch during the night — which means you will be sleeping for an hour or two at a stretch, right when your body is craving a lot of sleep to recover from birth. You will probably be absolutely exhausted, and you’ll need to limit your caffeine intake if you’re breastfeeding, which doesn’t help with feeling awake. Even if you’ve gone through periods of sleep deprivation before (college exam weeks, anyone?), post-birth exhaustion is uniquely draining.

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  1. You still look pregnant.

Your stomach doesn’t magically go flat as soon as you give birth. It took your body nine months (or more) to produce the nutrients, fluids, and tissues that nurtured your baby all throughout gestation, so it’s going to take some time for your body to lose that weight. In fact, it can take six to 12 months to get back to your pre-pregnancy weight. Plan to wear your pregnancy clothes home from the hospital and in the weeks following the birth. Stretchy leggings and pants with adjustable waistbands will be your best friends as your stomach slowly shrinks following the birth.

  1. You’re still physically recovering.

The post-baby bump isn’t the only change about your body that you will find yourself dealing with after giving birth. Whether you give birth vaginally or have a C-section, it’s a major physical event that you will need to recover from. You will likely have stitches that you need to care for, as well as discomfort, swelling, and inflammation that will need to be managed as you heal up. Your pelvic floor muscles will also need time to go back to normal after supporting the extra weight of the baby for so long. Once your doctor clears you, doing pelvic floor exercises will help rebuild these muscles faster. Make sure to look up instructions on how to do a pelvic tilt and Kegels to ensure that you are engaging the proper muscles. Your doctor may also have you use Kegel balls to identify the right muscles.

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  1. You have hormone surges.

Your hormone levels are elevated during pregnancy and now they need to return to the baseline. However, this doesn’t happen in one slow, steady decline. You’ll get spikes and dips in your hormones, which will affect how you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally. Approximately 70-80 percent of moms experience mood swings in the days or weeks following birth. It’s totally normal to cry a lot and to feel overwhelmed, sad, and even angry — and these emotions are often compounded by the lack of sleep. These symptoms usually disappear within 14 days of delivery, so if you’re still feeling this way after two weeks, visit your doctor to see if you might have postpartum depression.

  1. Everyone else has an opinion.

As if all the conflicting advice books weren’t enough, now you probably have people directly criticizing your parenting skills to your face. Whether it’s your mother-in-law, your own mother, a more veteran mom in your playgroup, or a mutual friend on social media, everyone will have an opinion about how you are parenting your baby and what you’re doing wrong. This constant onslaught of “advice” can be totally exhausting and hard to shut out, especially when you are a new mom taking care of your first baby. Remember that even if these other people are very experienced parents, they don’t know your baby — you know your baby!

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  1. Your relationship with your partner might change.

Your relationship with your partner is probably going to change once you have a baby. Whereas before you only had each other to look out for, now you will both be absorbed by taking care of a tiny, helpless baby around the clock, and it can be easy to let date nights and quality time alone fall by the wayside. Your physical intimacy will likely change, too, at least in the short term. As your body recovers from birth, you might need to explore new ways to express your affection physically. And once you finally feel up to some sexy times, you’ll have to contend with getting interrupted by a crying baby at the most inopportune moments.

  1. You might feel alone.

No matter what support network you have, being a new mom can be very isolating, especially if you used to have a busy social calendar and a demanding job that kept you out of the house a lot. Now it will be just you and the baby at home, and maybe your partner or a family member if they are able to take time off to help out. Definitely don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Even if your friends know nothing about babies, they might still be willing to drop off meals or help clean up around your house. When you have the energy, also make an effort to connect with fellow new moms who are going through the same thing as you.

Being a new mom is hard, but it’s also an exhilarating and beautiful experience. Knowing what’s ahead of you can help you withstand the mood swings and other hurdles that new moms face. When the going gets tough, remember that what you’re feeling is totally normal and that it will pass as you gain confidence and experience as a new mom.